Nashville At Home: A Psychotherapist Applies Therapy To Home Design

Mary Coleman (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

I LOVE SEEING HOW PEOPLE LIVE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S SOMEONE I RESPECT AND ADMIRE, LIKE MY DEAR FRIEND MARY COLEMAN, A LICENSED PSYCHOTHERAPIST WITH MORE THAN 24 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. MARY IS ALSO MY NEIGHBOR AND ONE OF THE WISEST WOMEN WALKING THE PLANET. FIVE YEARS AGO SHE MOVED TO NASHVILLE FROM CALIFORNIA AND I’M SO HAPPY SHE’S HERE. WE RECENTLY SAT DOWN IN HER ECLECTIC EAST NASHVILLE HOME TO TALK ABOUT THE OSCAR-WINNING MOVIE THAT CHANGED HER LIFE, HOW SHE’S APPLYING THERAPY TO HOME DESIGN, AND HER UNLIKELY CONNECTION TO O.J. SIMPSON. READ ON FOR MY CONVERSATION WITH MARY.

Living Room. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

This drum, used as a side table, is one of many Mary has in her home to honor her father who was, in addition to being an Episcopal Priest, an accomplished drummer. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

Mary, tell me how you decided to become a psychotherapist?

My dad was an Episcopal Priest and his counseling was a big part of his work, his call. He took it very seriously. This was the 70’s and he had transactional analysis books on the coffee table, and a huge library in our dining room with all kinds of psychology books and novels my mom was reading. All of it interested me. And then I saw Ordinary People when I was in college and I walked out of that movie and said, “that’s what I’m going to do, I’m gonna help teenagers.” I double majored in English and Psychology as a result. That was a powerful movie and it really was a game-changer for me.

Little side note: I got my master’s degree in psychology at Antioch University in California. The day I graduated was the same day O.J. Simpson was fleeing to Mexico in the white bronco. I was dating a guy at the time who lived on Rockingham (the same street where O.J. lived) and my ex-husband used to play golf with O.J. It’s a quintessentially weird LA story. I had friends who had to testify in his trial. I saw him a couple of times after his acquittal. I can remember taking my kids to the skate park, sitting out there and O.J. would pull up to the Big Brothers & Big Sisters Club and he was so loud and always had to draw so much attention to himself. He’d literally say “I didn’t see myself driving carpool all the time,” and all the women, our hair stood on end. We thought, “what did you expect when you offed your ex-wife?” He was so clueless. It was such a particular time in LA history.

Entryway and dining area.. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

Mary bought this magnificent sideboard at an import store in LA. The large painting is by artist Kim McCarty and the black and white photo is of a farm near the Poconos that Mary’s family visited every summer. It was a gift from her cousin. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

Sculpture made by Mary’s son who is an architect. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

You moved here from California. What made you decide to settle in East Nashville?

I moved here to be closer to my aging parents. They’ve lived here for some time but when I visited them, I never ventured much further than Belle Meade and Vanderbilt. When I came to East Nashville for the first time five years ago, it felt like a New York suburb. East Nashville just spoke to me.

When you saw this house, what sold you?

I was looking for an investment property. I thought my daughter might live there. She was with me when I was looking at houses. As soon as I opened the door and saw the trees in the window, I was sold. My daughter said “There goes my condo.” I love the light. In the winter it’s very stark and different. The fireplace helps me stave off seasonal affective disorder. Sitting in front of the fireplace is like my light box.

Vintage tub mounted on the wall in Mary’s Living Room. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

How have you put your touch on this space?

The tub next to the fireplace. I got it at the flea market. It came with the shelf and the mirror. In my old house it held my towels but when I moved here, I decided I liked it on this wall. I have friends in Charleston who give me grief about it. They think it’s a sewer pipe.

I also designed my bed. All the headboards I was looking at were very basic. There was an import store in LA that I loved and they had these amazing pieces. I saw these two panes from a buddhist temple and I asked the owner if he could put them together and turn them into a headboard. It’s one of my most favorite things. (Photos of the bed Mary designed are below.)

One of several pieces of original artwork in Mary’s bedroom. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

These dining room chairs I found online. A friend was visiting and mentioned people were doing mismatched chairs. I went to a fabric house and started playing with swatches. The upper part, I found a stencil I liked and had my friend Ursula, who is a phenomenal designer, come over and she painted the stencils on each chair.

Custom dining chairs. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

In what way is your work as a psychotherapist gratifying?

 I find people fascinating. I find psychology, the way people unconsciously repeat past patterns so compelling and the idea of being able to help people interrupt those patterns and live more consciously is an honor. I think of it as an honor.

How do you keep from absorbing your clients’ issues and emotions?

Over the years, I’ve heard some really shocking things. As a mom, I knew I couldn’t bring all of that home with me so I learned early on to wear one hat for work and one for my home life.

Mary purchased this carved bookcase at an import store in LA. She painted the back gold. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

Considering all of the patients/clients you’ve had in your career, is there anything they all share in common?

An over-active prefrontal cortex that manifests as a constantly critical voice in their heads.

I know that voice well. And I know you well enough to say you are prolifically gifted. You’re a published author and you’re pursuing a new creative venture on top of your psychotherapy work. Tell me about that.

I wrote a novel before I became a therapist and I just finished my second book which is about addiction and recovery.

My new venture is interior design. I think people’s homes are a reflection of their inner states and helping them decide what they like, what colors, fabrics and textures, is a way of deepening their relationships with themselves. Being there to help them more fully express themselves and to create a home where they feel safe and calm and that’s a reflection of their interior world, this really appeals to me. (The photos below are of one of Mary’s guest rooms. The wooden trunks house her journals and diaries. The conch shell is a means of bringing a bit of the Pacific Ocean to Nashville.)

I’ve always thought it would be really cool if HGTV did a show featuring someone who’s struggling through grief or going through some major life transition and guiding them psychologically and helping them create a meaningful and beautiful space for themselves and then following up with them a year later. Grief is such a part of our culture. I think showing people on the other side of it would be so helpful to everybody wondering if it’s even possible to get to the other side. It could be so powerful.

Guest Room. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

Vintage toy truck. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

When did you realize you had a knack for design?

It was a passion for both my grandmother and my mother. Over the years it became a passion for me to create a space that felt like home for my children and myself. People would come into my office and into my home and would say things like, “I would never have thought to put that together.” And then they’d ask me to help them with their space. That’s how it all began.

What was your reaction when GYMNAST GREAT Simone Biles pulled out of most of her Olympic competitions because of her mental health?

I think she was modeling radical self care. She showed a lot of self-awareness and so is tennis champion, Naomi Osaka—she’s modeling the same. I think we have to keep in mind these are post 9-11 children and they’re also athletes of color. Very few of us can understand what their experiences have been and what pressure they’re feeling. Millennials are much better at identifying and being up front about their mental health challenges. I really applaud their bravery and honesty. I think it’s a pendulum swing in not hiding these things and getting the help they need. Brene Brown says the antidote to shame is “me too.” I think that’s what these athletes are saying, Me too.

We thought the pandemic was behind us and now we seem to be going backwards. What toll is this virus taking on all of us mentally?

It’s had a profound impact. We’ve lost our social skills. We feel even more lonely and isolated. It’s become political. There are people we can’t even talk to about the vaccine because we’re so divided about whether or not to get vaccinated. It’s dividing families. I think we’re living in a very fearful time and there is so much social anxiety across the board.

Remember that Burt Bacharach song from the '70s, "What the World Needs Now Is Love?” What do you think the world needs now? What are we getting too little of?

We need to stop judging ourselves and others so critically. Practice self care. Practice care for our fellow humans whether they agree with us or not.

Mary adjusting artwork created by her daughter. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

How do you practice self-care?

I’m a big meditator. I meditate daily between 25 and 40 minutes. I’m careful about what I eat. I make sure that I call my friends and have friends that I can vent to.

What books have had the biggest impact on you?

The Last Gentlemen by Walker Percy. I wrote him and he wrote back. We corresponded a bit.

The Magus by John Fowles

Tee Road Less Travelled and People of the Lie, both by M. Scott Peck

Favorite movie, tv series, or the last show you binged watch?

Bridesmaids. It still makes me laugh. It’s as head-clearing as a hike. I also loved the first season of Ted Lasso. Took me a while to get into it because I thought it was goofy but then it broke my heart. It’s the antidote to the world in which we live.

Favorite place to eat in Nashville?

I love Henrietta Red. It’s the best.

Mary’s front porch.. (photo by Julie Lee Simpson)

If you could have a second home anywhere in the world, where would it be?

That’s a toss up. Probably a beach house in Charleston or on Sullivan’s island.

To learn more about mary, head to www.marycolemantherapy.com.

thank you, Mary. This was an honor and a pleasure.🏡

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